Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm failing my assignment...

... to record compassion every day!

What I have learned in the past week is that I am consciously making the decision to not involve myself in situations where I feel compassion toward that person/those people. I am feeling better for that... I'm not brooding over their situations that are really none of my business!

I note the compassion ("that's horrible... I feel badly for them") and then I mentally move forward. It doesn't mean I don't care... I just don't brood about it.

This has left me with more time to practice compassion towards the people closest to me and to myself. I've noted a greater patience toward all things that my "roommates" do and say. I also having been allowing myself to think "it really sucks to be me sometimes", learn from that experience, catalog it, and move forward.

Compassion... so many days I've lost count... I bet my mind knows :P

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Compassion, Days 6-7-8

Seeing both sides of an issue is a good thing.

In terms of this battle with compassion, I find myself being increasingly aware of my compassion towards others but backing off when it takes over and blocks out my own self-compassion.

That sounds like double-speak! This is what is happening...

I see a situation taking place. My normal reaction is to feel compassion for the "victim" and then expend a lot of mental energy on my reaction to this situation. My new reaction is the same process but I catch myself doing an "eval" of the scenario, determine whether or not I need to be involved somehow and to what extreme, and then coming to a "solution" or "finale" and moving on from that situation. I also found my brain working over the situations and checking the "file cabinet" for a past experience of feeling compassion in a similar scenario.

End result? I haven't experienced a stress-level that I was feeling before this experiment began. This past week I've experienced some intense situations and kept my cool through it all. (well, my principal told me I was a "Mad Momma" the day the stereo and woofers were stolen from Tyler's truck... but I thought I stayed fairly calm considering...)

Compassion: keeping your emotions in check and telling yourself "this really sucks and it's awful to experience this!" Or, something like that :)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Compassion, Day 3-5

A difficult afternoon Friday... I managed to identify a certain level of compassion for myself in the midst of the chaos.

A switch of the mind on Saturday... I consciously forced compassion to the front of my other feelings.

Sunday... some trouble feeling the compassion for myself.

Monday... remembering to deal with the compassion for my own issues before that of others... feels weird.

I'm probably not journaling as instructed but it's a busy life I lead. Writing down each instance of compassion that I witness / feel would be complicated.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Compassion, Day 2

Compassion, Day 2.

There has been this reminder in my head all day to note compassion.

So far, I've noted the compassion of a student concerned about his friend's well-being, the compassion of our counselor for the well-being of a student and for the future of our seniors, and I've even noted that Tyler was compassionate to his little brother (after calling him "Fat Boy").

My compassion? I felt compassion for the husband, the small child, the large child, and for several of my students during their interactions with their peers. I'm still struggling with feeling compassionate for myself.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Jake Quotes, Vol. 2

One of Jake's classmates was complaining of a stomachache after lunch.
Jake: "It's probably your appendix. It's going to burst!" (pandemonium follows...)

Mrs. Mays explains that certain cleanliness should be practiced after going to the bathroom.
Jake: "I didn't wash my hands before OR after I went to the bathroom. THAT'S why my apprendix burst!!!"

After Daddy got pulled over by the highway patrol...
Jake (pulling up his shirt and talking to the patrolman): "See this scar? My appendix burst and this is where they took it out. See this scar? This is where my drain tube was. See this PICC line? I get my medicine through this!"

Jake Quotes, Vol. 1

Mommy: "How did you get Tyler to buy you a Lunchable?"
Jake: "A boy has his ways."

Jake (seeing his big brother for the first time in the morning): "Hi Stupid!"
That's Jake TALKING on the boat while on Table Rock Lake...

Jake #1

Today my child told his teacher that he didn't get his homework done last night because his grandmother was dying (today) and he had to go to the hospital.

Of course, completely false!!!

This child is going to make me old quickly.

Compassion, Day 1

My assignment this week after my BEST therapy is to journal all my experiences with compassion.

I think compassion is a sense of empathy that I feel toward others and that empathy occurs when I am aware of their discomfort or distress.

Compassion toward myself is much more difficult. I've always refused to feel sorry for myself, even when I have been miserable, lonely, scared or depressed.

That's probably why I am literally making myself ill.

I am supposed to get an official definition of compassion:

1. a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. (

I guessed most of the definition. Apparently, I have some trouble with the second portion...accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering... to the point that I cannot feel compassion for myself b/c I'm too busy trying to alleviate the suffering of others.

That's not so far-fetched. I spend the better part of my day watching the social and anti-social behavior of people.

Since my "diagnosis", I have experienced the feeling of compassion /or/ watched acts of compassion /or/ stopped anti-social behaviors at least 100 times. Do others see these acts of compassion all the time??? Am I ultra-sensitive to compassionate acts or instances where I feel I must step in with compassion???

IDK. Compassion day one... sigh...